Letter to a Friend
by teardropxscars
Summary: What happens when the love of your life leaves you? Do you continue living like nothing ever happened? Or do you just disappear?


We were supposed to be forever. We were MEANT to be forever. You and I, one in the same, through anything and everything. But you, my heart, must have had other plans. You say you love me, but I know that's just to lay a sugary crust over the pain that's already there. You don't want to see my sorrow. You don't want to hear the pain in my voice, oh lovely Nocturne. You would much rather sit back, try not to think about it, and hope it goes away.

Maybe for you, my darling. Maybe the terror of what we no longer have WILL go away for you. But for me, they'll cut deeper and deeper each time I hear your voice, ripping into me mercilessly. Because these wounds your words have left are deeper and more painstaking than the deadliest bullet wound. It's killing me inside, can't you see? Tearing my soul out of me and devouring it in a display of ferocity never before seen by our kind.  
But oh my love, you don't know that, do you? You tell all the others to worry about me, when you shouldn't be. It's you that initiates everything. You're the puppet master in this play, and me, your lowly marionette. They don't need to worry about a nobody like me. It would be foolish of you to think otherwise, "master."

Yes, of course I still love you. Don't you think that I would ever stop loving you for one moment. I will love you always, my beautiful blonde, and nothing will ever change that. If you tore my limbs off and tossed them to the heartless, I would still love you. If you were to chain me to a wall, spitting on me and calling me a foolish piece of shit and saying your hurtful words of love lost, I would still love you. I would be hurt, of course of course. But I would still love you. Hell, you've already torn my heart out. And I still love you.

They say that when the love of your life breaks up with you, and says "we can still be friends" that it's like your dog dying and your mom saying "but you can still keep it!" If that is true, then maybe that's going through your mind today. You sure don't seem to want to be friends with the likes of me. And that, my former love, is murder.

You keep me sane. You're the thing in this forced non-existence that keeps me smiling, that keeps me in school, makes sure I wake up in the morning...makes me whole....without you, I'm nothing. Nothing but a lousy, worthless, emotionless bag of bones and organs.

Why did you say all of the things you did? Why did you tell me you wanted us to be forever and a day, my beloved one, if you were just going to go back on that word later? You told me you couldn't wait until the day when you could wake up, and the first thing you would see was my face. When we could start our lives together, without worry of my parents or yours.

Were those things all lies?

Or when you said I was your heart. That if you ever lost me, it would be like losing your heart all over again, and that you wouldn't be able to stand it. You told me stories about how wonderful our future together would be. And I believed you.

I was exuberant. Just knowing that I had someone as perfect as you in my life made me feel a sense of bliss uncomprehendable by anyone that doesn't know of your charm and beauty.  
I don't hate you, my love.  
I want to be your forever, even if I know it's not meant to be. I would give just about anything to turn back time, to that week when we didn't have a care in the world. That week....was the highlight of my life. The best time I've ever had. Holding you in my arms and knowing that you loved me was the greatest gift you could have ever given me.

I'm beginning to fade now, and it's probably for the better. Soon I will vanish from the bright and tantalizing colours of the tapestry of your life, slipping into the background of dull browns and greens. I'll be unnoticed by everyone and everything. Maybe I'll even go unnoticed by you, camoflauged with everything else. Is that what you want?  
You, however, will remain in the foreground for me. After all, you're the glorious centerpiece of my life's quilt. Even if I can never hold you in my arms...look at your flawless pale features and think "this person loves me with all of their heart"...even if I will never have those magnificent feeling again, I know that my time with you was the best I've ever had. And ever will have.

My legs are gone now, and I've started to lose the feeling in my hands. This fading isn't as bad as the Superiour's been telling us. You know how he told us that fading would be the worst part of our non existence? He was wrong. This isn't anything to the pain of hearing you say you weren't in love with me. These black ribbony strands of my being are very obnoxious, is all. But don't blame yourself for this, no matter what. Sure, the only reason I lost hope in all things natural was because you were my heart, and then left me for nothing, but I can't help what you feel. Your feelings are yours, as my feelings are mine. Even if I will always long for the day when our emotions will be the same.

The darkness has crept over my torso now, and I'm only now feeling scared. What waits for a nobody when they fade? Do they creep into the background of everyone's memories? Or do they remain amongst the living, simply unseen and unheard, walking freely and watching as their old friends live their lives.

Well, I guess this is it. The fading strands have extended to my collarbone, and now I'm only writing by knowing what way my hand needs to move, focusing on it with my eyes. I'm writing with pure mind power now. So it's about time for me to make my eternal leave, my soul's melody. Please, don't let me fade into the backdrop of your life. If not for your own well-being then, for me. Keep me alive....got it memorized?

I'll always love you.


End file.
